If you have a Toronto Public Library card, one of the secret little joys is that it gives you free access to the online archives of both The Globe and Mail and The Star. A shame the pages of the long-defunct Toronto Telegram aren't similarly available... though you won't find me shedding many tears over the similar lack of access to its "successor", The Toronto Sun, the Vandal king "successor" of Roman emperors of local newspapers.
The Star's pages date back to 1894, and The Globe (and Mail)'s go back to 1844—which means you can read about Confederation in its pages online as it was casually reported in the paper in 1867, and reports coming in about the progress of the US Civil War just prior to that, and the astonishing news of Lincoln's assassination.
I find the pages of these papers at the most interesting, though, in the years after about 1950, when the expansion of Toronto was really kicking into gear. The creation of Metro in 1953, the building of the Gardiner Expressway and the Don Valley Parkway, the 400-series highways being hatched with quaint names like "the Toronto By-Pass" for the 401 and "the Barrie Highway" for the 400. This morning over my first coffee I decided to have a look at what I could glean about the DVP in the pages of The Star after January 1, 1955. It's quietly astonishing to see headlines about Metro Council voting a $1.7 million start to the project (Feb. 12, 1957, p. 42) with the number apparently so impressive at the time that it was actually spelled out, commas and all: "$1,700,000". These days that would probably pay for a about mile of construction. Maybe.
I really get a charge out of reading phrases like "The Don Valley parkway, the only solution to the current traffic problems in sight..." (Feb. 21, 1957, p. 16) and "An immediate start on the Don Valley parkway to relieve traffic congestion" (Nov. 21, 1956, p.31). People who read those phrases with a hopeful sigh would easily live long enough to see them converted to knee-slappers.
There are fun little notes like the idea that in 1957 Metro was considering expanding the zoo, which was downtown at the edge of the Don River at the time, "a mile alongside Don". Around 1970 the zoo moved to much bigger digs in northeast Scarborough at what is still the edge of town. An article about North York trying to dump Leslie Street on Metro's tab and Metro grumbling it made no sense because it was a road "from nowhere to nowhere"; North York suggesting it be extended down from Lawrence Avenue to the new section of Eglinton Avenue joining its two discontinuous parts. And, in fact, it was. But it still goes from nowhere to nowhere; Leslie still doesn't cross the Don south of Eglinton and dies for no reason at all just north of Steeles.
A couple of things really impress me. One is how desperate the politicians of the day seem to be to raise the money to do these things from the tax base, rather than just whipping out the I've-got-a-AAA-rating international credit card. Repeatedly I see articles in which councilors are begging the residents of Metro to accept taxes that will fund them. Fred Gardiner, the first Metro Chairman, gets a lot of guff for being a kind of 'raze it and build it' sort of guy, but I think he was onto something when he was quoted on Feb. 12, 1957: "If we are not going to raise the money then we have got to stop talking about things we want." People needed to be reminded of it then, but they could see it was true. I look around the world these days and all I see are nations panting on the floor with demons of their citizenry parked on their chests demanding services for which they refuse to pay.
The other is the range of casual ads interspersed with the news. Page 16 of The Star on Feb. 21, 1957, heralds a portable TV from RCA (remember RCA?). The thing still looks like you'd want a dolly if you were going to move it much, but I'm intrigued by the little quirks. For instance, they make a big deal of it bringing in UHF signals and specifically mention a station in Buffalo, so this had to be an ad tailored to south-central Ontario. Secondly, they go out of their way to institute the "second set" family home, explicitly advocating the segregation of family entertainment along generational lines, which I had always assumed was a phenomenon of the 1970s. I guess it was a long time coming.
But if you live in Toronto and you already have a library card, use it to log into the online research section of their site and have a ball. If you live elsewhere, see what your local library's site has on offer. You never know!
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
The Heavens
The Heavens are a band from Leeds in the UK. That's about all I know about them. According to their bio on their MySpace page,...
A bit puzzling because in some shots of the band, there appear to be five members; one a young woman, whose name we're left to guess at from everything I've seen, which isn't much.
Now if it sounds like I'm complaining, it's because I am. I stumbled across a song by the band in a YouTube video utterly unrelated to them... their song was being used as theme music for a guy demonstrating a graphics program. Tried the program; didn't think much of it. But the song stayed with me...
The song above is called If You're Lost For Somewhere Else To Be, and it's one of four songs I've been able to find by The Heavens. I was at a site of theirs, which I'm not able to find, or which might have changed, where they were all available as a download.
The songs are varied, textured, and so professionally done that I can't understand why they haven't been signed and sent on tour. These are guys who've done their homework and gained the skills to apply what they've learned. I say, fully and forcefully as a compliment, that these fellahs have got the chops to fit into just about any band I've ever heard and liked. A long time ago on this blog I praised a rum for its subtle hints of other flavours. This band is like that rum. The works are completely unique and their own, but they're so good and have such studied touches of the history of their medium that you could easily have convinced me that these are songs I've overlooked by Oasis, The Clash, Smash Mouth, The Smiths... even touches of Schoolhouse Rock, though that's probably more a matter of my musical history than theirs.
But seriously, these guys are great, and I'm really disappointed that's all there is. There should be more. At least an album, if not two or three! When I think of all the shitty albums I've been obliged to buy over the years just to squeeze out the one or two good songs a band has, it really seems unfair that this group, with four extremely listenable songs all of which I like, haven't got more. Go have a listen; see what you think. I find Echo Serena to be particularly impressive. In Second Day Blues, enjoy the opening homage to O Lucky Man! with Malcolm McDowell.
Echo Serena:
Second Day Blues:
Best described as a blend of British & American Psychedelia, Rock & Roll and 90's Brit-Rock, The Heavens are Richard Green (vocals and guitar), Davey Fairbrother (drums and vocals), James Heggie (bass guitar) and Mark Drury (organ and guitar).
A bit puzzling because in some shots of the band, there appear to be five members; one a young woman, whose name we're left to guess at from everything I've seen, which isn't much.
Now if it sounds like I'm complaining, it's because I am. I stumbled across a song by the band in a YouTube video utterly unrelated to them... their song was being used as theme music for a guy demonstrating a graphics program. Tried the program; didn't think much of it. But the song stayed with me...
The song above is called If You're Lost For Somewhere Else To Be, and it's one of four songs I've been able to find by The Heavens. I was at a site of theirs, which I'm not able to find, or which might have changed, where they were all available as a download.
The songs are varied, textured, and so professionally done that I can't understand why they haven't been signed and sent on tour. These are guys who've done their homework and gained the skills to apply what they've learned. I say, fully and forcefully as a compliment, that these fellahs have got the chops to fit into just about any band I've ever heard and liked. A long time ago on this blog I praised a rum for its subtle hints of other flavours. This band is like that rum. The works are completely unique and their own, but they're so good and have such studied touches of the history of their medium that you could easily have convinced me that these are songs I've overlooked by Oasis, The Clash, Smash Mouth, The Smiths... even touches of Schoolhouse Rock, though that's probably more a matter of my musical history than theirs.
But seriously, these guys are great, and I'm really disappointed that's all there is. There should be more. At least an album, if not two or three! When I think of all the shitty albums I've been obliged to buy over the years just to squeeze out the one or two good songs a band has, it really seems unfair that this group, with four extremely listenable songs all of which I like, haven't got more. Go have a listen; see what you think. I find Echo Serena to be particularly impressive. In Second Day Blues, enjoy the opening homage to O Lucky Man! with Malcolm McDowell.
Echo Serena:
Second Day Blues:
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Time passages
Funny. Just out of nowhere I happened to click on the link to this old post here from about six years ago. It's about a casual trip down to Bloor and my first time at The Bishop and the Belcher pub and the Anglican Bookstore a minute or so up the street from it.
Well, I was back down there again this Sunday, this time meeting up with Kaid. We were supposed to meet at the B&B at 11. When I got there at quarter to, it was closed. Doesn't open till 3 on Sunday. That rings a bell; that's happened to me before, but I keep forgetting. I don't think it was always like that, though, which is what keeps tripping me up.
So, knowing I'd just be a moment and I'd be able to spot Kaid anyway, I took a quick wander up the street to see when the Anglican Bookstore opened. It was a fool's errand, it being Sunday and all, but it was something to do. When I got there, a little printed note taped up in the window said they'd closed for good, January 18, 2013... about a month ago. Thanks for your patronage; see us at our Kitchener location. Kitchener's over an hour west of here. One more little occasional joy that's bled away.
Kaid arrived just after 11 and we made other plans. Just around the corner on Bloor, past the big Anglican church (which, it occurs to me, must be associated with the offices and former bookstore behind it) is Finn McCool's. We were chased there before by the failure to be able to meet up at the B&B for being closed, sometime last summer. We started off on the patio that time but light rain chased us indoors. This being winter, we were indoors from the start this time.
We had a nice time. I'd brought a book for reading while I waited about Eastern Europe, written in the period after the Berlin Wall fell but before the Soviet Union broke up. It sparked a long, interesting discussion. As for the fare, I didn't have anything to drink, though I'm no longer tee-totaling. They have a very nice chicken flatbread there... sauteed onions, red peppers, some strong hard cheese melted over cubed chicken breast. No fries, just the thin slab. It was indeed pleasant. Kaid had a few pints of beer and the Canadian breakfast. I'm not sure what made it specifically Canadian, but so it was called. The lighting is low but not dark. The music was audible but didn't interfere with conversation and seemed geared to guys who reached adulthood circa 1990 but who hadn't signed off against anything new (I picked up a new tune while I was there, matter of fact; You're a Tourist by Death Cab for Cutie). I really like the place, and I remember liking it last time. We decided to make it the new default for meeting midtown. I think I'm going to move my own allegiance from the B&B to Finn McCool's, at least for the time being.
Well, I was back down there again this Sunday, this time meeting up with Kaid. We were supposed to meet at the B&B at 11. When I got there at quarter to, it was closed. Doesn't open till 3 on Sunday. That rings a bell; that's happened to me before, but I keep forgetting. I don't think it was always like that, though, which is what keeps tripping me up.
So, knowing I'd just be a moment and I'd be able to spot Kaid anyway, I took a quick wander up the street to see when the Anglican Bookstore opened. It was a fool's errand, it being Sunday and all, but it was something to do. When I got there, a little printed note taped up in the window said they'd closed for good, January 18, 2013... about a month ago. Thanks for your patronage; see us at our Kitchener location. Kitchener's over an hour west of here. One more little occasional joy that's bled away.
Kaid arrived just after 11 and we made other plans. Just around the corner on Bloor, past the big Anglican church (which, it occurs to me, must be associated with the offices and former bookstore behind it) is Finn McCool's. We were chased there before by the failure to be able to meet up at the B&B for being closed, sometime last summer. We started off on the patio that time but light rain chased us indoors. This being winter, we were indoors from the start this time.
We had a nice time. I'd brought a book for reading while I waited about Eastern Europe, written in the period after the Berlin Wall fell but before the Soviet Union broke up. It sparked a long, interesting discussion. As for the fare, I didn't have anything to drink, though I'm no longer tee-totaling. They have a very nice chicken flatbread there... sauteed onions, red peppers, some strong hard cheese melted over cubed chicken breast. No fries, just the thin slab. It was indeed pleasant. Kaid had a few pints of beer and the Canadian breakfast. I'm not sure what made it specifically Canadian, but so it was called. The lighting is low but not dark. The music was audible but didn't interfere with conversation and seemed geared to guys who reached adulthood circa 1990 but who hadn't signed off against anything new (I picked up a new tune while I was there, matter of fact; You're a Tourist by Death Cab for Cutie). I really like the place, and I remember liking it last time. We decided to make it the new default for meeting midtown. I think I'm going to move my own allegiance from the B&B to Finn McCool's, at least for the time being.
We called her Georgette
I’ve been putting off writing this for a while for a number of reasons. But it’s reaching the point where it’s inexcusable to hold off.
Three weeks ago, a friend of mine of nearly 20 years passed away. Her name was Mary, but she was known to most of us by her middle name, Georgette. She was P-Doug’s wife for 30 years, and because it’s clear he occasionally pops in here at City in the Trees, I wanted to wait a bit because reading this, no matter how kindly it might be, will probably rake that fresh wound. But better that, I think, than it should seem I didn’t care.
Another reason I held off was because I wasn’t sure what to say. I kept waiting and hoping that The Big Important Words or the Major Life Lesson would occur to me. They haven’t. Georgette was simply one of those gems that is a fixture in a person’s life that drops away and sinks into the waves where it can't be retrieved. We can only remember. So my tribute, I’m afraid, will of necessity be a bit of ramble. Sort of like my friendship with her was.
To start off, I’ve been principally P-Doug’s friend. It’s hard for me to imagine that I would have encountered Georgette, much less had her as part of my life for 20 years, without having met her through him. But that’s okay; friends come into our lives by all sorts of means. And whatever he represents to me, I realized long ago that, had early misadventure befallen him, it probably would have been my place to step up and be around for her more. I couldn’t have ever replaced him, of course, but I knew she wouldn’t be alone. That I was not going to let that happen. And so I knew I was her friend alongside him, but also independently of him.
The first time I met her, she was in her mid-30s. She already seemed considerably older. She took it with good grace that I actually mistook her for his mother. She was prematurely grey, and her health was never ideal, not even then. I was working downtown at the time, as was she. Work was piecemeal for me then and I was often let go in the middle of the day and told to call back early next week to see what was up. So there were any number of times I was able to drop in on her, working the cash at Shopper’s Drug Mart, on my way home. She often took her break with me and we’d sit in the food court and I’d hear the stories of her youth. Even then, that was special to me. Those really became special times because they didn’t last all that long. By the end of the 90s, she had arterial blockages. She wound up with a quad bypass and that was pretty much it for her working days. She was on disability after that.
Still, it didn’t affect her negatively too much. She could still get around, and a lot of weekends, especially in good weather, involved them inviting me along for their treks to the rural fringe of southern Ontario; some bachelor-younger-brother by adoption. By and large those trips have all merged into a single big jaunt for me... I can’t really distinguish one small town and its quaint little restaurant with home cooking from another... but I’m glad they took me. There’s a whole lot of the province I’m faintly familiar with now that I wouldn’t be if they hadn't. I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that, at least initially, inviting me along was her idea. Just seems more her kind of thing than his.
She was there, along with him, when I was confirmed in the Catholic Church about ten years ago. They were both lapsed Catholics but they appreciated the cultural milestone, and if they considered my spiritual quest naïve, they never let on. Georgette even gave me a rosary of green beads on a silver chain, held in a black leather case. I carried it around daily for a couple of years before it started feeling too much like an affectation. But I’ve always cherished it and I always will.
Probably the most wonderful thing Georgette ever gave me was permission to understand and love my cats, especially Bonnie. Bonnie jumps up on things and makes fussy noises at me, which I interpreted as just plays for attention. But Georgette saw it and tilting her head and smiling, she said warmly, “She loves you...” In saying it, she let me believe it too. In that moment she gave me as sort of permission to let my relationship with these little beings become deeper. It was like I’d known all along but wasn’t allowed to really believe without someone else saying it. She did. Her words ring in my ears just as she said them, every day.
Georgette didn’t suffer fools or foolishness happily. She wasn’t at all unfriendly; far from it: she could strike up simpatico conversations with strangers effortlessly... but she was easily frustrated and often made no bones about being plain about it, especially with people she knew. When I was younger it was off-putting. But as I grew older, it became oddly endearing. I can’t really explain why but it’s true. She just wouldn’t have been Georgette if she were a doormat. Georgette knew her rights, and consequently, so did everyone else. And to be honest, I find myself rather more vocal when I think I’m being taken advantage of. Maybe I learned to show those claws by watching her.
Her health declined slowly over the years, and each time she went to the hospital for a week or two, she came back slightly diminished. It was never a big thing, never anything I noticed... it was just cumulative. At first, pretty much whenever I saw P-Doug, I saw Georgette. Midway through the 2000s, it seemed like I was still seeing a fair bit of her on the road trips and a few nights out, but it was easier for P-Doug to just get away and have a buddies day on the weekend at a pub or doing some hiking. Often we’d meet up with her at the end of the day. But really in the past three or four years it got to the point where it was getting difficult to budge her for anything social. She found it hard to sleep at night, and basically slept out of exhaustion during the day. If I saw her every couple of months towards the end there, I’d say that was the extent of it, and I was finding myself wishing it were more. But never mind, I thought, it’ll come.
There was a day last summer when I was bringing something down to P-Doug, and he was out at a concert or something, and so I sat with Georgette in the living room, just talking. It was kind of like those old days, just her and me in the food court. I was looking forward to more moments like that. But just dropping in during the day was, more often than not, to meet with an unanswered door, because she was usually sleeping. So it really didn’t happen. And there was always more time, you know.
She didn’t look well at all when we all met up for Christmas at our traditional meeting place, the Swiss Chalet in Don Mills. She was distracted and pale. It took her a couple of minutes just to leave the restaurant and get to the car. I suppose a part of me sank that day. Part of me knew, I suppose, that we probably really didn’t have long. As it turned out, Georgette had both a stroke and a heart attack more or less simultaneously on New Year’s Eve. She was admitted to Toronto East General Hospital and never left it.
At first, she was unconscious, and P-Doug wasn’t even sure she’d wake up, and if she did, who she’d be, and what she’d be able to do. But then it seemed almost like a miracle. She did wake, and over the course of a week or so, her personality largely reintegrated and reemerged. She still had control of her body, though she was weaker. Larry and I arranged to come and see her on Wednesdays, and she looked remarkable the first couple of times I saw her. She was pink again, and she looked a decade younger. My heart soared for her. There was talk that she would need to move to a nursing home, since P-Doug would not have been able to attend to her during working hours, but to look at her, deep down, I had every hope she’d make her way home sometime this spring.
But of course, I was only seeing her occasionally. P-Doug was seeing her daily, and was getting the bigger picture. She was stable, but not improving. In fact, her kidneys, never strong, were on the verge of failing. She feared dialysis and had watched her foster father die of kidney failure shortly after President Kennedy was shot. Her body had been through a lot over the past 15 years. There was little more they could do. He signed papers to put her into palliative care at the hospital, and began the grieving process while she was still alive.
We all expected a few more months with her. When I saw her that Sunday, her arms were covered with burgundy splotches that looked like Indian burns. They were a drug reaction. She made a joke about the hideous colour. She was slow and tired but still bright. And I prepared myself for more weekends like this.
Larry dropped by to see her on his way someplace the following Tuesday. He did not know they’d moved her to the palliative care ward, and him not being family, they couldn't tell him anything. He left, frustrated, with the gift of a word search puzzle book he’d brought her; a gesture of compassion and personal recognition he never got to make. Less than twelve hours later, she died quietly in her sleep.
They called P-Doug.
Later, he emailed us.
Georgette didn’t want a funeral, so she had none. P-Doug saw no point in a showing since hardly anyone in Toronto knew her; their families were up north, and Georgette’s coworkers from the 1990s had largely drifted on. And so the last time I saw her, alive, was the last time I would ever see her. She was cremated the Monday following her death.
For me, it’s not quite real. In recent years long stretches of not seeing her were the norm, but she remained a presence in my mind. I don’t fault their plans and decisions (even if I did, my opinion hardly matters). It’s just... hard to make real. I know she’s gone, but that feeling that, yeah, she’s still in that house and if I want to I can see her, that’s still kind of there. I’m not sure what will dislodge that. It might be months or years before that stops feeling a part of my fundamental reality.
Being 12 years or so her junior, I anticipated going to her funeral, someday. I always imagined myself placing the rosary she’d given me back with her where it belonged. That’s not going to happen. I find that even the thought of taking it out and looking at it is painful. Not just because she’s gone, or even mainly that... because it means I’m older; that things that were mine to avail myself of have moved past me, beyond my reach. Those sweet days are gone. Something warm, familiar, and even familial has disappeared from my life and won’t be back. And that is a deeply somber feeling. I’m left with the memories of her, and the slightly different person I am for having known her all those years.
But there’s that. The big lights in your life exert a form of gravity on your character. The path it would otherwise have taken is changed under their influence, and as a result you become a slightly different person than you would have been otherwise. And in some ways, I’m not the person I would have been had she not been such an influence on my life for 20 years. I think I’m slightly more dependable for having known her. I think I’m more likely to be a bit brittle and stand up for myself because I’ve known her. And I can see love for what it is, even in beings with no way to say it in words. All that is what she gave me and how she shaped who I am today, and it’s a part of her immortality; the only kind we know for sure we ever get. It resonates in me and everyone she knew, and it will ripple through the world through us in the interactions we, the people subtly changed by her, have with others. She herself is gone, but persists in who we all are.
And I think there I’ve found my answer; that thing I didn’t have when I started writing this.
It hurts, but it will be okay.
Three weeks ago, a friend of mine of nearly 20 years passed away. Her name was Mary, but she was known to most of us by her middle name, Georgette. She was P-Doug’s wife for 30 years, and because it’s clear he occasionally pops in here at City in the Trees, I wanted to wait a bit because reading this, no matter how kindly it might be, will probably rake that fresh wound. But better that, I think, than it should seem I didn’t care.
Another reason I held off was because I wasn’t sure what to say. I kept waiting and hoping that The Big Important Words or the Major Life Lesson would occur to me. They haven’t. Georgette was simply one of those gems that is a fixture in a person’s life that drops away and sinks into the waves where it can't be retrieved. We can only remember. So my tribute, I’m afraid, will of necessity be a bit of ramble. Sort of like my friendship with her was.
To start off, I’ve been principally P-Doug’s friend. It’s hard for me to imagine that I would have encountered Georgette, much less had her as part of my life for 20 years, without having met her through him. But that’s okay; friends come into our lives by all sorts of means. And whatever he represents to me, I realized long ago that, had early misadventure befallen him, it probably would have been my place to step up and be around for her more. I couldn’t have ever replaced him, of course, but I knew she wouldn’t be alone. That I was not going to let that happen. And so I knew I was her friend alongside him, but also independently of him.
The first time I met her, she was in her mid-30s. She already seemed considerably older. She took it with good grace that I actually mistook her for his mother. She was prematurely grey, and her health was never ideal, not even then. I was working downtown at the time, as was she. Work was piecemeal for me then and I was often let go in the middle of the day and told to call back early next week to see what was up. So there were any number of times I was able to drop in on her, working the cash at Shopper’s Drug Mart, on my way home. She often took her break with me and we’d sit in the food court and I’d hear the stories of her youth. Even then, that was special to me. Those really became special times because they didn’t last all that long. By the end of the 90s, she had arterial blockages. She wound up with a quad bypass and that was pretty much it for her working days. She was on disability after that.
Still, it didn’t affect her negatively too much. She could still get around, and a lot of weekends, especially in good weather, involved them inviting me along for their treks to the rural fringe of southern Ontario; some bachelor-younger-brother by adoption. By and large those trips have all merged into a single big jaunt for me... I can’t really distinguish one small town and its quaint little restaurant with home cooking from another... but I’m glad they took me. There’s a whole lot of the province I’m faintly familiar with now that I wouldn’t be if they hadn't. I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that, at least initially, inviting me along was her idea. Just seems more her kind of thing than his.
She was there, along with him, when I was confirmed in the Catholic Church about ten years ago. They were both lapsed Catholics but they appreciated the cultural milestone, and if they considered my spiritual quest naïve, they never let on. Georgette even gave me a rosary of green beads on a silver chain, held in a black leather case. I carried it around daily for a couple of years before it started feeling too much like an affectation. But I’ve always cherished it and I always will.
Probably the most wonderful thing Georgette ever gave me was permission to understand and love my cats, especially Bonnie. Bonnie jumps up on things and makes fussy noises at me, which I interpreted as just plays for attention. But Georgette saw it and tilting her head and smiling, she said warmly, “She loves you...” In saying it, she let me believe it too. In that moment she gave me as sort of permission to let my relationship with these little beings become deeper. It was like I’d known all along but wasn’t allowed to really believe without someone else saying it. She did. Her words ring in my ears just as she said them, every day.
Georgette didn’t suffer fools or foolishness happily. She wasn’t at all unfriendly; far from it: she could strike up simpatico conversations with strangers effortlessly... but she was easily frustrated and often made no bones about being plain about it, especially with people she knew. When I was younger it was off-putting. But as I grew older, it became oddly endearing. I can’t really explain why but it’s true. She just wouldn’t have been Georgette if she were a doormat. Georgette knew her rights, and consequently, so did everyone else. And to be honest, I find myself rather more vocal when I think I’m being taken advantage of. Maybe I learned to show those claws by watching her.
Her health declined slowly over the years, and each time she went to the hospital for a week or two, she came back slightly diminished. It was never a big thing, never anything I noticed... it was just cumulative. At first, pretty much whenever I saw P-Doug, I saw Georgette. Midway through the 2000s, it seemed like I was still seeing a fair bit of her on the road trips and a few nights out, but it was easier for P-Doug to just get away and have a buddies day on the weekend at a pub or doing some hiking. Often we’d meet up with her at the end of the day. But really in the past three or four years it got to the point where it was getting difficult to budge her for anything social. She found it hard to sleep at night, and basically slept out of exhaustion during the day. If I saw her every couple of months towards the end there, I’d say that was the extent of it, and I was finding myself wishing it were more. But never mind, I thought, it’ll come.
There was a day last summer when I was bringing something down to P-Doug, and he was out at a concert or something, and so I sat with Georgette in the living room, just talking. It was kind of like those old days, just her and me in the food court. I was looking forward to more moments like that. But just dropping in during the day was, more often than not, to meet with an unanswered door, because she was usually sleeping. So it really didn’t happen. And there was always more time, you know.
She didn’t look well at all when we all met up for Christmas at our traditional meeting place, the Swiss Chalet in Don Mills. She was distracted and pale. It took her a couple of minutes just to leave the restaurant and get to the car. I suppose a part of me sank that day. Part of me knew, I suppose, that we probably really didn’t have long. As it turned out, Georgette had both a stroke and a heart attack more or less simultaneously on New Year’s Eve. She was admitted to Toronto East General Hospital and never left it.
At first, she was unconscious, and P-Doug wasn’t even sure she’d wake up, and if she did, who she’d be, and what she’d be able to do. But then it seemed almost like a miracle. She did wake, and over the course of a week or so, her personality largely reintegrated and reemerged. She still had control of her body, though she was weaker. Larry and I arranged to come and see her on Wednesdays, and she looked remarkable the first couple of times I saw her. She was pink again, and she looked a decade younger. My heart soared for her. There was talk that she would need to move to a nursing home, since P-Doug would not have been able to attend to her during working hours, but to look at her, deep down, I had every hope she’d make her way home sometime this spring.
But of course, I was only seeing her occasionally. P-Doug was seeing her daily, and was getting the bigger picture. She was stable, but not improving. In fact, her kidneys, never strong, were on the verge of failing. She feared dialysis and had watched her foster father die of kidney failure shortly after President Kennedy was shot. Her body had been through a lot over the past 15 years. There was little more they could do. He signed papers to put her into palliative care at the hospital, and began the grieving process while she was still alive.
We all expected a few more months with her. When I saw her that Sunday, her arms were covered with burgundy splotches that looked like Indian burns. They were a drug reaction. She made a joke about the hideous colour. She was slow and tired but still bright. And I prepared myself for more weekends like this.
Larry dropped by to see her on his way someplace the following Tuesday. He did not know they’d moved her to the palliative care ward, and him not being family, they couldn't tell him anything. He left, frustrated, with the gift of a word search puzzle book he’d brought her; a gesture of compassion and personal recognition he never got to make. Less than twelve hours later, she died quietly in her sleep.
They called P-Doug.
Later, he emailed us.
Georgette didn’t want a funeral, so she had none. P-Doug saw no point in a showing since hardly anyone in Toronto knew her; their families were up north, and Georgette’s coworkers from the 1990s had largely drifted on. And so the last time I saw her, alive, was the last time I would ever see her. She was cremated the Monday following her death.
For me, it’s not quite real. In recent years long stretches of not seeing her were the norm, but she remained a presence in my mind. I don’t fault their plans and decisions (even if I did, my opinion hardly matters). It’s just... hard to make real. I know she’s gone, but that feeling that, yeah, she’s still in that house and if I want to I can see her, that’s still kind of there. I’m not sure what will dislodge that. It might be months or years before that stops feeling a part of my fundamental reality.
Being 12 years or so her junior, I anticipated going to her funeral, someday. I always imagined myself placing the rosary she’d given me back with her where it belonged. That’s not going to happen. I find that even the thought of taking it out and looking at it is painful. Not just because she’s gone, or even mainly that... because it means I’m older; that things that were mine to avail myself of have moved past me, beyond my reach. Those sweet days are gone. Something warm, familiar, and even familial has disappeared from my life and won’t be back. And that is a deeply somber feeling. I’m left with the memories of her, and the slightly different person I am for having known her all those years.
But there’s that. The big lights in your life exert a form of gravity on your character. The path it would otherwise have taken is changed under their influence, and as a result you become a slightly different person than you would have been otherwise. And in some ways, I’m not the person I would have been had she not been such an influence on my life for 20 years. I think I’m slightly more dependable for having known her. I think I’m more likely to be a bit brittle and stand up for myself because I’ve known her. And I can see love for what it is, even in beings with no way to say it in words. All that is what she gave me and how she shaped who I am today, and it’s a part of her immortality; the only kind we know for sure we ever get. It resonates in me and everyone she knew, and it will ripple through the world through us in the interactions we, the people subtly changed by her, have with others. She herself is gone, but persists in who we all are.
And I think there I’ve found my answer; that thing I didn’t have when I started writing this.
It hurts, but it will be okay.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Dream catcher
For about seven and a half years, I had a little dream catcher on a leather strap hanging from my rearview mirror. I got it when I bought (leased) my previous car, and it moved over to the new one, a later model of the same kind, when I bought that nearly four years ago. It had a bright yellow feather when I got it that was slowly bleached white over the years by the sun. The only reason I know that is that old photos I took way back when show a startlingly canary-yellow feather. Photos are like that.
Recently, I took it down. I had a pang of guilt doing it, but the thing was getting old and drying out. The leather straps cracked just trying to get it set up in the new car, and that was nearly four years ago. What prompted me to replace it was that I got a really cute Pinkie Pie Christmas ornament that I wanted to hang from the mirror. Much as I liked it, she weighed a few ounces, and when she got swinging, she really took your eye off the road. A little reluctantly, I took her down too, a couple of weeks ago. But, again, that was prompted by a replacement.
This one wasn’t anything to hang from the mirror. It’s a dash cam... a different kind of “dream catcher”. Specifically, it’s a Papago P3. They’re not easy to get in North America, and I ordered it from Taiwan. I suppose I could have kept Pinkie flying, but having her wallop the dash cam every time I hit a bump didn’t seem like a good idea.
How did this come about. Well, a friend sent me a YouTube link to a crash compilation video. A large number of them were from Russia. Now, I’ve been hitching my various cameras up to my windshield and videoing certain drives for years. But it was a rare occasion I planned for. These things were so numerous, and the drives so casual, that I started thinking, nah, there’s no way they’re doing that. Someone’s learned to rig up something permanent. Somewhere in the back of my head the term “dash cam” was either coined, or vaguely remembered, and I started looking around. Sure enough, there are scores of models and have been for several years now. I did a lot of research into models with features I wanted and ultimately settled on the Papago P3 (review here).
(Incidentally, the Russians apparently have a vogue for dash cams because there's been a rash of hood-divers throwing themselves onto slow-moving cars and suing the borscht out of drivers... hence the proliferation of "crazy Russian driver" videos on YouTube at the moment.)
It’ll be nice to have if I get in an accident, particularly if I’m not at fault. But principally I want it because I want to record what the city and its environs look like, in the hopes of passing that along to future generations. So often, I’ve driven through something in town, thought I should go back and record what it was like at least passing through, and then forgot. This way, it’s there. Also, it means less set-up for the drives I do plan. This summer, I mean to use it to video a lot of the roads in York Region that are, for the moment, two-lane rural blacktop, but will probably be six-lane thoroughfares through subdivisions by the time I retire. I’m fascinated by photos people took years ago of streets I’ve lived near, even ones taken when I was living there years ago, because I either wasn’t there, or else didn’t take notice back then because it was too ordinary. Having something that takes the planning out of doing that really appeals to me.
I’ve already used it to add a few things to the Millennium Project. The video of my very first crossing of the new bridge carrying 16th Avenue over the Little Rouge River, found a few posts back here on this blog, is a case in point. I’ve since videoed my first drive on Sheppard Avenue under the new railroad underpass at Agincourt on its newly-opened westbound lanes. I also saved video of a tree coming down as I drove past on Victoria Park Avenue. No big deal, but it was such a strange occurrence, I just had to add it.
I’ve written a whole lot there just to get around to my ultimate point, and that is that I’m truly amazed at the progress camera technology’s taken in a very short sweep of time. Because I was updating my Agincourt project, I had a look at the first video I shot there, just as construction was beginning. If I remember correctly, that was in August, 2010... not even three years ago. (Actually, I just checked the blog; it was July. But yeah, 2010.) For the work I did that day, I was using three cameras. I had the HX5V and the W1 for large and 3D photos from the ground respectively, and I had the old G9 mounted on the windshield to record driving over the level crossing, something that wouldn’t be possible for much longer (and, in fact, now isn’t). A nostalgic moment even then because for me, that level crossing always meant I was heading into the part of town my buddy Dig and I would go to for a few beers around the time I moved to North York, now nearly 13 years ago. But anyway... I was watching the video I’d shot of the level crossing and was a little disappointed. The video was mono and 640x480. I knew that, of course, on an academic level, but I was kind of shocked to go back to it and see what that implied. The G9 was state-of-the-art at the start of 2008, when full 30 fps video at 640x480, without short time limits like 15 or 30 seconds, meant you had a camera with some serious chug. Of course, already by that day in 2010 I could have done better with the HX5V, but I had the G9 in the window because I didn’t figure the video quality would be an issue, I guess. I wish I’d used the HX5V.
When I compared it to the P3 video, the difference is sobering. And the P3 isn’t even particularly high end as cameras go; it’s a journeyman object made to record practical video on the fly; nothing more. But even so, the video quality is clear and is full HD (1920x1080 at 30 fps), and the sound (while still mono) is excellent and sharp; I would even say textured. A shame it’s not stereo, but really, just recording ambient sounds inside the car, why would it be. Where it really adds something to the project, and why I chose it, is because of what it logs. At the bottom of the video, it records your GPS location down to a ten thousandth of a degree, your heading in the eight cardinal and ordinal directions, your speed moment by moment, and the time and date. It also creates an NMEA log file, which includes information on the jostling the camera experienced in three axes. One of its jobs is to automatically lock the current file when it senses a collision so it won’t be overwritten (it records in 5 minute file chunks and when the card is full, serially overwrites the oldest file); as it happens, it also stores that data in the NMEA file, which can give you some sense of how rough the road was, exactly where turns were made, and things like that. It’s also far better at picking up GPS signals than any other system I’ve had so far; on average, well under a minute after the car starts. I’ve had trips where even my PhotoTrackr logger, which does nothing but record GPS info, has been 15 to 20 minutes into a trip before it found its GPS ass with both electronic hands. As for the GPS-enabled HX5V and S100, well, I can tell stories of missions with them where they never managed to get a fix (and they don’t record that information for videos in any case). So I’m quite pleased with that.
I believe it’s possible to turn off the different kinds of information being written into the field of the video, and let people depend on the NMEA file for all that, but I’m probably not going to do that. The P3 records just about everything I’d like it to in the video, something I’ve wished for for a long time, and as such its videos can stand alone. No doubt there will eventually be computers that can “watch” the video, read the numbers, and reconstruct the course on a map just from the video. I think having that information in there, scrawled innocuously at the bottom of the view across the end of my hood, will be of real value to nerds like me one day... down the road. :)
This one wasn’t anything to hang from the mirror. It’s a dash cam... a different kind of “dream catcher”. Specifically, it’s a Papago P3. They’re not easy to get in North America, and I ordered it from Taiwan. I suppose I could have kept Pinkie flying, but having her wallop the dash cam every time I hit a bump didn’t seem like a good idea.
How did this come about. Well, a friend sent me a YouTube link to a crash compilation video. A large number of them were from Russia. Now, I’ve been hitching my various cameras up to my windshield and videoing certain drives for years. But it was a rare occasion I planned for. These things were so numerous, and the drives so casual, that I started thinking, nah, there’s no way they’re doing that. Someone’s learned to rig up something permanent. Somewhere in the back of my head the term “dash cam” was either coined, or vaguely remembered, and I started looking around. Sure enough, there are scores of models and have been for several years now. I did a lot of research into models with features I wanted and ultimately settled on the Papago P3 (review here).
(Incidentally, the Russians apparently have a vogue for dash cams because there's been a rash of hood-divers throwing themselves onto slow-moving cars and suing the borscht out of drivers... hence the proliferation of "crazy Russian driver" videos on YouTube at the moment.)
It’ll be nice to have if I get in an accident, particularly if I’m not at fault. But principally I want it because I want to record what the city and its environs look like, in the hopes of passing that along to future generations. So often, I’ve driven through something in town, thought I should go back and record what it was like at least passing through, and then forgot. This way, it’s there. Also, it means less set-up for the drives I do plan. This summer, I mean to use it to video a lot of the roads in York Region that are, for the moment, two-lane rural blacktop, but will probably be six-lane thoroughfares through subdivisions by the time I retire. I’m fascinated by photos people took years ago of streets I’ve lived near, even ones taken when I was living there years ago, because I either wasn’t there, or else didn’t take notice back then because it was too ordinary. Having something that takes the planning out of doing that really appeals to me.
I’ve already used it to add a few things to the Millennium Project. The video of my very first crossing of the new bridge carrying 16th Avenue over the Little Rouge River, found a few posts back here on this blog, is a case in point. I’ve since videoed my first drive on Sheppard Avenue under the new railroad underpass at Agincourt on its newly-opened westbound lanes. I also saved video of a tree coming down as I drove past on Victoria Park Avenue. No big deal, but it was such a strange occurrence, I just had to add it.
I’ve written a whole lot there just to get around to my ultimate point, and that is that I’m truly amazed at the progress camera technology’s taken in a very short sweep of time. Because I was updating my Agincourt project, I had a look at the first video I shot there, just as construction was beginning. If I remember correctly, that was in August, 2010... not even three years ago. (Actually, I just checked the blog; it was July. But yeah, 2010.) For the work I did that day, I was using three cameras. I had the HX5V and the W1 for large and 3D photos from the ground respectively, and I had the old G9 mounted on the windshield to record driving over the level crossing, something that wouldn’t be possible for much longer (and, in fact, now isn’t). A nostalgic moment even then because for me, that level crossing always meant I was heading into the part of town my buddy Dig and I would go to for a few beers around the time I moved to North York, now nearly 13 years ago. But anyway... I was watching the video I’d shot of the level crossing and was a little disappointed. The video was mono and 640x480. I knew that, of course, on an academic level, but I was kind of shocked to go back to it and see what that implied. The G9 was state-of-the-art at the start of 2008, when full 30 fps video at 640x480, without short time limits like 15 or 30 seconds, meant you had a camera with some serious chug. Of course, already by that day in 2010 I could have done better with the HX5V, but I had the G9 in the window because I didn’t figure the video quality would be an issue, I guess. I wish I’d used the HX5V.
When I compared it to the P3 video, the difference is sobering. And the P3 isn’t even particularly high end as cameras go; it’s a journeyman object made to record practical video on the fly; nothing more. But even so, the video quality is clear and is full HD (1920x1080 at 30 fps), and the sound (while still mono) is excellent and sharp; I would even say textured. A shame it’s not stereo, but really, just recording ambient sounds inside the car, why would it be. Where it really adds something to the project, and why I chose it, is because of what it logs. At the bottom of the video, it records your GPS location down to a ten thousandth of a degree, your heading in the eight cardinal and ordinal directions, your speed moment by moment, and the time and date. It also creates an NMEA log file, which includes information on the jostling the camera experienced in three axes. One of its jobs is to automatically lock the current file when it senses a collision so it won’t be overwritten (it records in 5 minute file chunks and when the card is full, serially overwrites the oldest file); as it happens, it also stores that data in the NMEA file, which can give you some sense of how rough the road was, exactly where turns were made, and things like that. It’s also far better at picking up GPS signals than any other system I’ve had so far; on average, well under a minute after the car starts. I’ve had trips where even my PhotoTrackr logger, which does nothing but record GPS info, has been 15 to 20 minutes into a trip before it found its GPS ass with both electronic hands. As for the GPS-enabled HX5V and S100, well, I can tell stories of missions with them where they never managed to get a fix (and they don’t record that information for videos in any case). So I’m quite pleased with that.
I believe it’s possible to turn off the different kinds of information being written into the field of the video, and let people depend on the NMEA file for all that, but I’m probably not going to do that. The P3 records just about everything I’d like it to in the video, something I’ve wished for for a long time, and as such its videos can stand alone. No doubt there will eventually be computers that can “watch” the video, read the numbers, and reconstruct the course on a map just from the video. I think having that information in there, scrawled innocuously at the bottom of the view across the end of my hood, will be of real value to nerds like me one day... down the road. :)
Monday, February 11, 2013
Numbers slumber
Over at Down the Road, Jim has posted about ancient math skills. Unlike him, my stamina for math ran out early. From being on the math team that won city-wide when I was in grade 8, by grade 13 I was getting a D-for-effort 51% pity pass in relations and functions. Numbers that weren't tied to something concrete that I could manipulate in my mind have always given me trouble. The only math I ever really shined at in high school was trigonometry, because I could see it, experience it, show it, use it. It was the one trick I could really show off with my math yo yo. The rest of them? Forget it. I can manage quadratic equations provided they're simple enough, but don't bet the mortgage I'll get the right answer.
Every once in a while, though, I get this hankering to dust off the math skills I do have and see if I still have any chops. Recently I wound up in a kind of a slow-motion debate online with a guy who pointed out that the Andromeda galaxy is due to, eventually, collide with ours. He was essentially characterizing the event as something like gigantic car crash; something that would end life on Earth. And I just shook my head.
Galaxies are nothing like as solid as objects in the common world. Scaled up, they behave much more akin to liquids or even gasses. Stars seem huge, but that's only in relation to the scales we're used to here on Earth. In reality, they're specks unimaginably far apart in space so vast it's really beyond our ability to really grasp. This "collision" will take place over millions of years, and will be something more like two swarms of bees passing through each other than two solid objects colliding. The shapes of the galaxies will be massively disrupted, that's true. But collisions between stars, or disruptions to their planetary systems? Extremely unlikely for any given star due to the vastness of the distances involved.
Consider: it takes light between three and four seconds to cross the diameter of the Sun. It takes light roughly seven hours to reach the orbit of Pluto, which traditionally we've thought of as the "edge" of the solar system, whatever we might call it today. After that... four and a half years to reach the nearest next star, Alpha Centauri. Seven hours, then nothing to speak off for over four years, and that's if you head in exactly the right direction. Other "nearby" stars are decades or centuries away at the speed of light.
So I set out to try to enlighten this guy with an illustration. And this was my reasoning.
What affects the Earth in a noticeable way? Well... the Moon. You can see the tides. Okay, there's my standard.
What's an impressive distance, but one that sounds dangerously close on the scale we're talking here? A light year. Over four times closer than Alpha Centauri.
Okay. So how massive would a star have to be, passing a light year from the Sun, to have the same gravitational influence on the Earth as the Moon? That's the mathematical task I set for myself.
The starting premise I have from my old days watching Cosmos. I know that gravity, like light, propagates by the inverse square rule; that is, a body twice as far away must have four times the mass to have the same influence as a body half the distance away. I did some scribbling on my cream-coloured desk in pencil and decided the following:
a/b = √c/d, where
a = the distance from the Earth to this hypothetical star (9,460,730,472,581 km)
b = the distance from the Earth to the Moon (370,000 km)
c = the mass of the hypothetical star (unknown)
d = the mass of the Sun in lunar masses (81.3 [lunar masses in the Earth]*332,000 [terrestrial masses in the Sun]) = (26,991,869.9)
My calculations had to be rough, because the numbers I was inputting were, but I knew I should get something approximate. Essentially, if you square the result of the first calculation, it's equal to the mass of this star divided by the mass of the Moon, as expressed in solar masses. The number I came up with at the end of it all was that for a star passing one light year away to have the same gravitational influence on the Earth as the Moon does, it would have to be 23,207,735.6 times the mass of the Sun. That's very rough, of course, but if my math is right, then the answer has to be somewhere around that figure. I don't think there are any stars that massive. VV Cephei, I star I've marveled about since I was a kid, is thousands of times the radius of the Sun, but even so, probably has a mass only about 20-25 times that of the Sun. The long and the short of it is, even a very massive star would have to come improbably close to the Sun to even mess with the tides, let alone chuck the Earth out of its orbit or suck the atmosphere away, or any of the other disasters this guy seemed to have expected for the planet... When Galaxies Collide! And this was me trying to put what little math I can apply to some kind of practical use to demonstrate a point.
Even if I'm off, I'm still kind of proud I could marshal this much of a proof without getting stymied. :)
P.S. I forgot to mention that I scaled down the example in order to provide the guy with something he might be able to relate to. If you imagine stars to be the size of the average car... say, 10 feet across... then at that scale, Alpha Centauri, the nearest "car", would be 58,000 miles away. There's a whole lot of space in space, and even at that scale, the likelihood that a passing car, or 18-wheeler, or even a B-52 is going to cause you much trouble in terms of collision is, obviously, perishingly small.
Every once in a while, though, I get this hankering to dust off the math skills I do have and see if I still have any chops. Recently I wound up in a kind of a slow-motion debate online with a guy who pointed out that the Andromeda galaxy is due to, eventually, collide with ours. He was essentially characterizing the event as something like gigantic car crash; something that would end life on Earth. And I just shook my head.
Galaxies are nothing like as solid as objects in the common world. Scaled up, they behave much more akin to liquids or even gasses. Stars seem huge, but that's only in relation to the scales we're used to here on Earth. In reality, they're specks unimaginably far apart in space so vast it's really beyond our ability to really grasp. This "collision" will take place over millions of years, and will be something more like two swarms of bees passing through each other than two solid objects colliding. The shapes of the galaxies will be massively disrupted, that's true. But collisions between stars, or disruptions to their planetary systems? Extremely unlikely for any given star due to the vastness of the distances involved.
Consider: it takes light between three and four seconds to cross the diameter of the Sun. It takes light roughly seven hours to reach the orbit of Pluto, which traditionally we've thought of as the "edge" of the solar system, whatever we might call it today. After that... four and a half years to reach the nearest next star, Alpha Centauri. Seven hours, then nothing to speak off for over four years, and that's if you head in exactly the right direction. Other "nearby" stars are decades or centuries away at the speed of light.
So I set out to try to enlighten this guy with an illustration. And this was my reasoning.
What affects the Earth in a noticeable way? Well... the Moon. You can see the tides. Okay, there's my standard.
What's an impressive distance, but one that sounds dangerously close on the scale we're talking here? A light year. Over four times closer than Alpha Centauri.
Okay. So how massive would a star have to be, passing a light year from the Sun, to have the same gravitational influence on the Earth as the Moon? That's the mathematical task I set for myself.
The starting premise I have from my old days watching Cosmos. I know that gravity, like light, propagates by the inverse square rule; that is, a body twice as far away must have four times the mass to have the same influence as a body half the distance away. I did some scribbling on my cream-coloured desk in pencil and decided the following:
a/b = √c/d, where
a = the distance from the Earth to this hypothetical star (9,460,730,472,581 km)
b = the distance from the Earth to the Moon (370,000 km)
c = the mass of the hypothetical star (unknown)
d = the mass of the Sun in lunar masses (81.3 [lunar masses in the Earth]*332,000 [terrestrial masses in the Sun]) = (26,991,869.9)
My calculations had to be rough, because the numbers I was inputting were, but I knew I should get something approximate. Essentially, if you square the result of the first calculation, it's equal to the mass of this star divided by the mass of the Moon, as expressed in solar masses. The number I came up with at the end of it all was that for a star passing one light year away to have the same gravitational influence on the Earth as the Moon does, it would have to be 23,207,735.6 times the mass of the Sun. That's very rough, of course, but if my math is right, then the answer has to be somewhere around that figure. I don't think there are any stars that massive. VV Cephei, I star I've marveled about since I was a kid, is thousands of times the radius of the Sun, but even so, probably has a mass only about 20-25 times that of the Sun. The long and the short of it is, even a very massive star would have to come improbably close to the Sun to even mess with the tides, let alone chuck the Earth out of its orbit or suck the atmosphere away, or any of the other disasters this guy seemed to have expected for the planet... When Galaxies Collide! And this was me trying to put what little math I can apply to some kind of practical use to demonstrate a point.
Even if I'm off, I'm still kind of proud I could marshal this much of a proof without getting stymied. :)
P.S. I forgot to mention that I scaled down the example in order to provide the guy with something he might be able to relate to. If you imagine stars to be the size of the average car... say, 10 feet across... then at that scale, Alpha Centauri, the nearest "car", would be 58,000 miles away. There's a whole lot of space in space, and even at that scale, the likelihood that a passing car, or 18-wheeler, or even a B-52 is going to cause you much trouble in terms of collision is, obviously, perishingly small.
Thursday, February 07, 2013
Momentarily
Quite an age we're living in. I'm sitting in a pub in North York, watching the first of a major snow storm as people crawl homeward, waiting for a buddy of mine who works downtown to get here. Meanwhile, I'm using the pub's free wifi to watch Convoy, a movie I haven't seen since I was a young teenager, on YouTube. Now... if only I could walk away from this $2800 computer that belongs to my employer to go relieve myself, all would be, however momentarily, right with the world... :)
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
16th Avenue bridge update
I took a quick drive out to see if the bridge was open by now. It is. This is (obviously) the first (and second) time I've driven across it. Somewhere under all that is, I assume, the Bailey bridge it replaces, which should still be there for pedestrian crossings, as per the plan.
You can compare these views with the ones to be seen here. In particular, the video on that page compares to the second part of the video above; the view heading west.
The thing that I found most surprising, you can see just at the end... the bridge has a phenomenally long left turn lane. I don't know what kind of traffic they're expecting this thing to see weekday mornings heading into town, but I suppose that gives some indication.
You can compare these views with the ones to be seen here. In particular, the video on that page compares to the second part of the video above; the view heading west.
The thing that I found most surprising, you can see just at the end... the bridge has a phenomenally long left turn lane. I don't know what kind of traffic they're expecting this thing to see weekday mornings heading into town, but I suppose that gives some indication.
Monday, January 28, 2013
Are we alone?
This was "the" question in the 1970s, remember? UFO mania was rife when I was a kid. It felt like the aliens would be, must be, arriving at any moment. That it simply couldn't be long. Well, y'know... maybe. Someday.
For a long time now I've been wondering about that kind of thing coming up from behind us, rather than out in space. I've seen some documentaries on YouTube lately about the cognitive abilities of some border collies that were utterly sobering... they were doing things I simply would not have credited dogs with being able to do. Being able to fetch an object they'd never seen before from another room simply by working out they'd never heard the name of the object before, and mapping that to the one object they'd never seen before. That was astounding. But when they showed a collie who could understand that a two-dimensional photograph represented an unknown object in the real world, located in another room, and then then retrieve it, I felt like someone was walking on my grave. At least some of the dogs quietly sharing our lives must be capable of much, much more than we're used to giving them credit for.
Even more to the point was Raccoon Nation, a documentary I watched recently that focused on raccoons living in urban environments. Canadians can watch it on CBC, and Americans on PBS. It's largely focused on Toronto, which has an enormous urban raccoon population, twenty times the size it was just a couple of (human) generations ago. They're doing extremely well in Toronto, but they're making a home in most major North American cities, and now some in Germany and Japan where foolish people introduced them in the 20th century. There's some suggestion that we're inadvertently breeding a better raccoon... that the harder we make it for them to get food, the more we're simply rewarding the smarter ones, who as result will be the most likely to reproduce. We represent a strong environmental pressure for raccoons to get sharper, and very, very rapidly.
This leaves me wondering how far it can go. It's easy to laugh up your sleeve at the notion, but I'm honestly wondering now. Keeping in mind that we've now seen that at least some dogs understand representative abstraction... something I would NOT have believed only a few months ago... and that there's a demonstrated correlation between intelligence and the ability to manipulate objects, which dogs don't really have but raccoons certainly do... maybe this needs to be taken seriously. What are the limits of what raccoons will be able to learn and apply over time, given the opportunities of our cities, their penchant to learn by observation, and their relative physical and mental similarities to us? There was a time, after all, when our own ancestors couldn't do the things that we can do today. At some point, thresholds were crossed, and we crossed them WITHOUT (so far as we know) another species lighting the way by example.
And I'll ask it... at what point would such beings cease to be simply "animals" and become outliers of our society? I'm not saying this is necessarily going to happen... but what if it did? What would be the watershed moment or event when they'd, in effect, become what the title of the documentary suggests mainly in jest... a "nation"? I think that's a fascinating subject to mull over.
Are we alone? If so... will we be for long?
For a long time now I've been wondering about that kind of thing coming up from behind us, rather than out in space. I've seen some documentaries on YouTube lately about the cognitive abilities of some border collies that were utterly sobering... they were doing things I simply would not have credited dogs with being able to do. Being able to fetch an object they'd never seen before from another room simply by working out they'd never heard the name of the object before, and mapping that to the one object they'd never seen before. That was astounding. But when they showed a collie who could understand that a two-dimensional photograph represented an unknown object in the real world, located in another room, and then then retrieve it, I felt like someone was walking on my grave. At least some of the dogs quietly sharing our lives must be capable of much, much more than we're used to giving them credit for.
Even more to the point was Raccoon Nation, a documentary I watched recently that focused on raccoons living in urban environments. Canadians can watch it on CBC, and Americans on PBS. It's largely focused on Toronto, which has an enormous urban raccoon population, twenty times the size it was just a couple of (human) generations ago. They're doing extremely well in Toronto, but they're making a home in most major North American cities, and now some in Germany and Japan where foolish people introduced them in the 20th century. There's some suggestion that we're inadvertently breeding a better raccoon... that the harder we make it for them to get food, the more we're simply rewarding the smarter ones, who as result will be the most likely to reproduce. We represent a strong environmental pressure for raccoons to get sharper, and very, very rapidly.
This leaves me wondering how far it can go. It's easy to laugh up your sleeve at the notion, but I'm honestly wondering now. Keeping in mind that we've now seen that at least some dogs understand representative abstraction... something I would NOT have believed only a few months ago... and that there's a demonstrated correlation between intelligence and the ability to manipulate objects, which dogs don't really have but raccoons certainly do... maybe this needs to be taken seriously. What are the limits of what raccoons will be able to learn and apply over time, given the opportunities of our cities, their penchant to learn by observation, and their relative physical and mental similarities to us? There was a time, after all, when our own ancestors couldn't do the things that we can do today. At some point, thresholds were crossed, and we crossed them WITHOUT (so far as we know) another species lighting the way by example.
And I'll ask it... at what point would such beings cease to be simply "animals" and become outliers of our society? I'm not saying this is necessarily going to happen... but what if it did? What would be the watershed moment or event when they'd, in effect, become what the title of the documentary suggests mainly in jest... a "nation"? I think that's a fascinating subject to mull over.
Are we alone? If so... will we be for long?
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
The Pruitt-Igoe Myth
Places that were once busy centres of human activity that have been abandoned have long held a fascination for me. Anyone who's read the blog here for a while knows that closed roads, constructions that once conveyed people from place to place, had names and places on the map, but have been given up to fall back into nature and lie forgotten, really appeal to me. Since roads are, practically, one-dimensional, it's really not that exceptional for this to happen to them. You're letting a clearance 30-50 feet wide, of whatever finite length, drift away from consciousness for the grass to grow and the trees to advance and close up again.
It's a lot less common, though, for large areas of land, especially within cities, to be afforded this kind of treatment. You will see the occasional vacant lot here and there... a business that failed, a home on a corner that was razed, and the land given back to the kids as an ersatz playground for a time. But you don't usually see block after block after block fall back to a wilderness.
Welcome to Pruitt-Igoe.
View Larger Map
Pruitt-Igoe was a public housing development in St. Louis, conceived of in after World War II, built in the mid-1950s, and finally pulled down not quite 20 years later... a moment that, in certain quarters, has become synonymous with "the death of modernism". Designed by architect Minoru Yamasaki, who would later design New York's World Trade Center, it's been used ever since by friends and foes alike of public housing solutions as the test case for either how not to do the job, or why not to attempt it in the first place. The site consisted, in the main, of 33 11-storey slab apartment buildings, the last of which came down in 1974, and the majority of the 57-acre site has remained vacant ever since. Any serious attempt to keep the grounds clear ended in the 1990s, with the result being that a wild forest has sprung up in the middle of St. Louis over the past two decades.
I became aware of the Pruitt-Igoe project sometime last year, and a 2011 documentary made about it at the same time. I finally managed to buy a copy of the documentary. I've watched it a couple of times this week, both with and without the director's commentary, as well as the collateral bonuses that came with it. It's a compelling and moving story of something that could have been greater, a fine idea that failed in its execution. The story is largely told in the words of people who lived there, either as children or as young renters, and it's surprising how much they cared for the place, and care for it even now.
It's typical to put the failure of "the projects", wherever they are, down to the residents. Not to mince words, but in much of the Western world, and the US in particular, the residents are typically poor black people. The story of Pruitt-Igoe might not be typical of every case, but its realities are revealing. The policies of various levels of government, largely blind to one another, converged in a perfect storm that made the failure of Pruitt-Igoe inevitable: it was doomed from the start.
Part of the problem was the nature of St. Louis itself. The city divorced itself from its county in the 1870s. At the time, it still had plenty of room to grow into. But by the time Pruitt-Igoe was being built, St. Louis had grown to its legal limits; it had nowhere to grow. Since it was no longer part of St. Louis County, it had no means to appropriate more land, or slowly amalgamate the new communities growing just outside its bounds. The suburbs that beckoned to the middle class of St. Louis were beyond the reach of the city, and with every family that left for a new home on a spacious lot, the tax base of the city shrank, along with its population. Pruitt-Igoe was conceived at a time when St. Louis was projected to continue to grow in terms of both population and tax revenue. But its population in fact peaked at around the time the project was completed, and then dropped precipitously. What this meant was that St. Louis had less and less money as the years went by to pay for the upkeep of a city that remained physically the same size, with the same infrastructure to maintain. Things began to slip.
Pruitt-Igoe was built with federal money... even then, it was starved of what it needed by the Korean War. Design specs were ignored and compromised, so even from the start, construction was not what it could have been. But private housing developers saw the projects as a threat, and saw to it that no federal funding for the upkeep of the project could be furnished. The US federal government could help build Pruitt-Igoe, but had to immediately abandon it at birth. St. Louis's housing department was at arm's length to the city and did not have a means to tap into city revenues in aid of its agencies; in fact, the only money available for the upkeep of Pruitt-Igoe was the revenue generated from the rents of the tenants themselves. Ironically, because Pruitt-Igoe was conceived of as a bootstrapping operation to house people till they could afford better accommodations, a policy was in place stipulating that if the income of a tenant rose above a certain threshold, that tenant had to vacate the project. So on the one hand, maintenance was tied to the rent of the tenants, geared to income; but on the other, the wealthiest tenants were chased away, by law. Interviewees in the movie who lived there at the start talked about how each building had its own caretaker, but how that quickly went by the boards as the money supply tightened. By the 1960s, any family that could afford to move out, had. White families, of which there were many to start with, were completely absent by then.
The most shocking moment in the movie comes when one woman, a child at the time, reveals that a state policy dictated that federal child assistance money (the actually distribution of which was determined by state rules) would not accrue to any family in which the principal breadwinner was present and able-bodied. Typically, this mean the husband. And this woman's parents were forced, by the logic of the situation, to conclude that their children would be better off if he left the home. That terrible logic occurred to any family in Pruitt-Igoe where the number of children meant that assistance money outstripped that provided even by working fathers. Money for a better life for the children was contingent, effectively, on the creation of fatherless single-parent families, institutionalized by law. The realization hits you like a bombshell.
And so throughout the 1960s, the trends that plagued Pruitt-Igoe were its location in a city of shrinking demographics and taxation with no means to increase either; the eviction of the highest-paid tenants in a project where upkeep was funded solely by rental income, with the resulting decay of the site; and a community which financially rewarded the abandonment of families by the male role model, and institutionalized children, and in particular young men, growing up fatherless. And, of course, the blame for the results fell largely on the shoulders of the tenants themselves; the excuse for racist attitudes that, really, never went away.
For all that, it's astonishing to see the photos of people consolidating and coming together to save the community. To identify with it and as part of it. How much the interviewees cherished the place and the experiences of it, especially in its early years, but even right up to the end. One woman, who went on to be a St. Louis police officer after the destruction of Pruitt-Igoe, was moved to tears by her remembrances of the Christmases there, and watching the place come down. For all that it came to represent to others of everything that was wrong with public housing, it was loved, at least by some.
It's a fascinating documentary that takes an institution and examines it from the human level at which it was truly experienced, and yet manages to frame that with the big picture of the forces that kept it from succeeding. One interviewee remarks that if the place had been properly maintained, she believes it would be standing today, and the community that fought to exist there still would. It's an interesting speculation, and when you're apprised of the strikes against the place from the start that needn't have been so, it's one that's hard to dismiss.
See it. Don't miss the 10-minuted guided tour of the site as it exists today in the extras.
It's a lot less common, though, for large areas of land, especially within cities, to be afforded this kind of treatment. You will see the occasional vacant lot here and there... a business that failed, a home on a corner that was razed, and the land given back to the kids as an ersatz playground for a time. But you don't usually see block after block after block fall back to a wilderness.
Welcome to Pruitt-Igoe.
View Larger Map
Pruitt-Igoe was a public housing development in St. Louis, conceived of in after World War II, built in the mid-1950s, and finally pulled down not quite 20 years later... a moment that, in certain quarters, has become synonymous with "the death of modernism". Designed by architect Minoru Yamasaki, who would later design New York's World Trade Center, it's been used ever since by friends and foes alike of public housing solutions as the test case for either how not to do the job, or why not to attempt it in the first place. The site consisted, in the main, of 33 11-storey slab apartment buildings, the last of which came down in 1974, and the majority of the 57-acre site has remained vacant ever since. Any serious attempt to keep the grounds clear ended in the 1990s, with the result being that a wild forest has sprung up in the middle of St. Louis over the past two decades.
I became aware of the Pruitt-Igoe project sometime last year, and a 2011 documentary made about it at the same time. I finally managed to buy a copy of the documentary. I've watched it a couple of times this week, both with and without the director's commentary, as well as the collateral bonuses that came with it. It's a compelling and moving story of something that could have been greater, a fine idea that failed in its execution. The story is largely told in the words of people who lived there, either as children or as young renters, and it's surprising how much they cared for the place, and care for it even now.
It's typical to put the failure of "the projects", wherever they are, down to the residents. Not to mince words, but in much of the Western world, and the US in particular, the residents are typically poor black people. The story of Pruitt-Igoe might not be typical of every case, but its realities are revealing. The policies of various levels of government, largely blind to one another, converged in a perfect storm that made the failure of Pruitt-Igoe inevitable: it was doomed from the start.
Part of the problem was the nature of St. Louis itself. The city divorced itself from its county in the 1870s. At the time, it still had plenty of room to grow into. But by the time Pruitt-Igoe was being built, St. Louis had grown to its legal limits; it had nowhere to grow. Since it was no longer part of St. Louis County, it had no means to appropriate more land, or slowly amalgamate the new communities growing just outside its bounds. The suburbs that beckoned to the middle class of St. Louis were beyond the reach of the city, and with every family that left for a new home on a spacious lot, the tax base of the city shrank, along with its population. Pruitt-Igoe was conceived at a time when St. Louis was projected to continue to grow in terms of both population and tax revenue. But its population in fact peaked at around the time the project was completed, and then dropped precipitously. What this meant was that St. Louis had less and less money as the years went by to pay for the upkeep of a city that remained physically the same size, with the same infrastructure to maintain. Things began to slip.
Pruitt-Igoe was built with federal money... even then, it was starved of what it needed by the Korean War. Design specs were ignored and compromised, so even from the start, construction was not what it could have been. But private housing developers saw the projects as a threat, and saw to it that no federal funding for the upkeep of the project could be furnished. The US federal government could help build Pruitt-Igoe, but had to immediately abandon it at birth. St. Louis's housing department was at arm's length to the city and did not have a means to tap into city revenues in aid of its agencies; in fact, the only money available for the upkeep of Pruitt-Igoe was the revenue generated from the rents of the tenants themselves. Ironically, because Pruitt-Igoe was conceived of as a bootstrapping operation to house people till they could afford better accommodations, a policy was in place stipulating that if the income of a tenant rose above a certain threshold, that tenant had to vacate the project. So on the one hand, maintenance was tied to the rent of the tenants, geared to income; but on the other, the wealthiest tenants were chased away, by law. Interviewees in the movie who lived there at the start talked about how each building had its own caretaker, but how that quickly went by the boards as the money supply tightened. By the 1960s, any family that could afford to move out, had. White families, of which there were many to start with, were completely absent by then.
The most shocking moment in the movie comes when one woman, a child at the time, reveals that a state policy dictated that federal child assistance money (the actually distribution of which was determined by state rules) would not accrue to any family in which the principal breadwinner was present and able-bodied. Typically, this mean the husband. And this woman's parents were forced, by the logic of the situation, to conclude that their children would be better off if he left the home. That terrible logic occurred to any family in Pruitt-Igoe where the number of children meant that assistance money outstripped that provided even by working fathers. Money for a better life for the children was contingent, effectively, on the creation of fatherless single-parent families, institutionalized by law. The realization hits you like a bombshell.
And so throughout the 1960s, the trends that plagued Pruitt-Igoe were its location in a city of shrinking demographics and taxation with no means to increase either; the eviction of the highest-paid tenants in a project where upkeep was funded solely by rental income, with the resulting decay of the site; and a community which financially rewarded the abandonment of families by the male role model, and institutionalized children, and in particular young men, growing up fatherless. And, of course, the blame for the results fell largely on the shoulders of the tenants themselves; the excuse for racist attitudes that, really, never went away.
For all that, it's astonishing to see the photos of people consolidating and coming together to save the community. To identify with it and as part of it. How much the interviewees cherished the place and the experiences of it, especially in its early years, but even right up to the end. One woman, who went on to be a St. Louis police officer after the destruction of Pruitt-Igoe, was moved to tears by her remembrances of the Christmases there, and watching the place come down. For all that it came to represent to others of everything that was wrong with public housing, it was loved, at least by some.
It's a fascinating documentary that takes an institution and examines it from the human level at which it was truly experienced, and yet manages to frame that with the big picture of the forces that kept it from succeeding. One interviewee remarks that if the place had been properly maintained, she believes it would be standing today, and the community that fought to exist there still would. It's an interesting speculation, and when you're apprised of the strikes against the place from the start that needn't have been so, it's one that's hard to dismiss.
See it. Don't miss the 10-minuted guided tour of the site as it exists today in the extras.
Wednesday, January 09, 2013
We deserve better
Mayor Ford's appeal began Monday. The odds are long that his being judicially turfed for conflict of interest will be overturned. But Deputy Mayor Doug Holyday has a nice way to subvert the whole process anyway: wrangle the votes on council to return Ford to office. This is technically constitutional, so I'm led to understand.
I'm disappointed. I was ready to settle in with Holyday stepping up and taking the reins as mayor-pro-tem for the next couple of years till the next civic election, where he might himself run for the office on the merits of the job he did. But now I can't even be satisfied with that, because he's just brought his own ethical judgement into question. How does it serve the people of Toronto, or the citizens of this country, to set an example that essentially promotes ignorance of the law—and willful ignorance, at that—as a sufficient defence? To say that dropping the rule book in the garbage can without reading it should serve as a get-out-of-jail-free card; and that the only people who should be bound by the rules are the suckers who make themselves aware of them? I want someone who champions this view running Toronto hardly any more than I want the person he's defending by doing so running it. Nevertheless, the icing on the cake is that if Holyday can't convince council to reinstate Ford, why, he's ready for them to coronate him instead.
Well, I'm not, not so much anymore. Now I'm inclined to have the city spend the painful amount of money it takes to hold an election, because neither Ford nor Holyday has demonstrated himself deserving of the job. Let me be plain: I don't care that Rob Ford's initial offence was a minor infraction of the rules in aid of charity. What matters is what he did afterward: refused to make restitution and take the slap on the wrist, and instead involved himself in a conflict of interest, which is much more serious. Rather than back down and acknowledge the mea culpa, he just beat his chest like a raging gorilla and compounded one offence with another, all the while heaping more and more scorn on the rules that make honest city government visible and possible. And Holyday is basically endorsing all that and trying to get us to accept with a shrug and a giggle that it ain't so bad. I don't want to spend the money that holding a mayoral election will cost Toronto, but at stake is a principle important to a real, functioning democracy and not just a cynical dog and pony show. We can do better, and we deserve better.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
The Lord's Prayer
I remembered, a few moments ago, that this was actually something I meant to mention in the oaths and anthems post a few days ago, but I overlooked it when I was writing the part about the Lord's Prayer and how there've been the two different versions in my life; my personal preference being for the fuller, Protestant version.
I was thinking, the other day, of the Lord's Prayer... specifically, the wording of it, and its ecumenical applications. A strange thing for a supposed atheist to dwell on, I guess, but there it is. I was trying to work out if there's anything, aside from its general association with Christianity, that disqualifies it from use in other Abrahamic faiths. I mean, is there anything in the wording of the prayer itself that would make it obnoxious to the tenets of either Judaism, or Islam?
Obviously, I'm no expert. But it seems to me to be a strong candidate. It makes no mention of Jesus or the Holy Ghost, and implies nothing about the Trinity. It speaks of God only as "our Father". That might be strictly a New Testament usage. I don't know if it's a relationship that finds expression in Judaism or Islam. I'm inclined to think it's probably not a problem in Judaism, but I know Muslims have a very strong concept of God as very different from his creation, and the idea of him having a "son" is repugnant to them. So I'm less sure that referring to God as "our Father" would sit well with them. Nevertheless, I don't know.
But generally, it seems to me the prayer ought to have a fairly universal applicability in monotheist faiths.
Monday, December 17, 2012
Too rich for my blood
I hope I won’t be misunderstood and accused of being
flippant when I say the cost of the “freedoms” of the Second Amendment is too
rich for my blood. Because I mean blood literally. But I don’t mean just mine.
A friend of mine works in the news industry and he texted me
Friday morning with the news about Newtown, Connecticut as soon as it hit the
wire. Nothing so awful has ever happened before. And I remember thinking to
myself, this is it. This is the make-or-break moment. Either they come to their
senses and take the Second Amendment out of the US Constitution, or they
finally sell their soul. I mean, if two dozen murdered 6 and 7-year-olds wouldn’t
prompt change, what on Earth possibly could?
Now, I'm not blaming the whole United States for what happened Friday. But it's only the whole United States that can do something about it now that it has. And yet, this morning I’m reading articles about bereaved parents not expressing
hostility to the gunman. The evaporation of the support for a ban on handguns that
existed in the 1970s. The NRA having the ability to determine the make-up of
Congress since 1994. The unlikelihood of even measures against assault rifles
and high capacity magazines that expired in 2004 coming back. And I’m sitting
here thinking, how can this possibly, possibly be, just three days later?
I mean, in reality, it’s bigger than just gun control.
Because what in the status quo is ever going to change if something like this
can’t budge a nation out of complacency, indifference, and unqualified
self-interest? If this can’t generate traction on an issue and prompt real
change, whatever could? What can save the United States on things like
universal health care, the debt, and the future of medicare if even something
like this can’t get people mad on their feet in the streets?
On "nationality"
Related to what I was saying last week...
Discussions I’ve had with a friend lately have helped to crystallize some of the perceptions I have on nationality—specifically, my own—which I have come to realize have changed over the years.
I don’t know if it’s a function of getting older or something but my perception of the group with which I self-identify has narrowed over the years. That’s not to say I’ve gotten xenophobic. Just that the groups with which I’m comfortable insisting I’m a part of has become more focused... unlike most questions in life, where the views have grown more diffuse.
I’m Canadian. That goes without saying. But is that my nationality? In a strict legal sense, yes; it’s conterminal with my citizenship in the modern era. But there’s de jure nationality and there’s de facto nationality, and I’ve finally had to admit they’re not the same thing.
Six years ago, the House of Commons officially passed a motion "that this House recognize that the Québécois form a nation within a united Canada." I’ve had a long time to mull that over and I’ve come to the conclusion that it doesn’t really amount to much... it simply states the obvious, admitting the existence of the elephant we’ve tried to deny really is in the room for desperate decades haunted by the spectre of separatism. The plain fact is that for the most part, Quebec is a distinct society. But the corollary is that you can’t have half a distinction. For something to be distinct, there has to be something else from it’s distinct from... something that, logically, is equally distinct from it, for all the same reasons. This is to say, if Quebec forms a distinct society within Canada, surely what it’s distinct from must also constitute a distinct society within Canada... to which the rest of us belong. To which I belong.
When I was a kid in the 70s, we very commonly divided Canada up into “English Canada” and “French Canada”. Nowadays it’s far less common to speak of “French Canada” because, by the nature of Quebec’s changes in terms of its self-definition, it’s essentially written off francophones outside its borders (a famous phrase by Quebec author Yves Beauchemin characterized them as “des cadavres encore chauds”—"warm bodies"), abandoning them to anglicization. Rather than seeing them as co-linguists and co-culturalists living in majority-anglophone provinces, Quebec chose to see them as the equivalent of a failing diaspora with a choice to make: flop to the water and survive or dry up on the shore. This created a Canada where the strongest champions of the survival of the French language outside Quebec were the governments largely run by anglophones. Anyway, you don’t hear “French Canada” used that much anymore. For a while during the ceaseless constitutional imbroglios of the 90s, ROC (“the rest of Canada”) had some cache, but I haven’t heard that in a while. We seem to have resumed referring to ourselves as “English Canada” on the rare occasions a distinction has to be explicitly made. One crucial difference is that "ROC" tended to abandon English Canadians in Quebec in a way that, unlike the Quebecois, English Canada isn't prepared to do.
The attribution of Englishness in Canada isn’t quite the same as you would expect to find elsewhere. It’s not primarily an ethnic marker... an English Canadian is not necessarily (or increasingly these days, even usually) someone whose genetic ancestors came from England, or even the British Isles. It doesn’t principally connote anything about race or ethnicity. It is essentially a cultural eponym, given rise to by one’s mother tongue, or else the language one has adopted for public life; and, more relevantly for contrast within a Canadian context, the worldview and assumed general values that come with it, with which Quebecois are prone to defensively take issue. David Suzuki, Rae Dawn Chong, Lincoln Alexander, and “Honest Ed” Mirvish are English Canadians and part of English Canada regardless of where their ancestors, or even they themselves, came from.
I saw my nationality on display before the world in the person of Carol Huynh standing on the podium in Beijing in 2008, as I watched the familiar words forming on her lips.
Philosophically I fought against it for a long time; partly out of fear of what admitting it might imply for the future of the country. But I’ve come to accept that while, yes, I’m a Canadian citizen, and that’s a fine thing, that my identity, my nationality, who am I am both in Canada and in the world, is more precisely English Canadian. And that’s okay. It’s not denigrating to French Canada or Quebec. It’s not seeking to marginalize, demonize, or ostracize them. It’s simply accepting a finer level of self-definition, and maybe even self-determination, than just stopping at “Canadian”. It’s okay to admit, even accept, that are two major cultures—nations— in Canada (and any number of smaller subcultures), and have been for hundreds of years; and that one of them is English Canada. And though we have great and important commonalities with others—French Canadians with whom we share a state and a national history, and anglophones elsewhere with whom we share a culture, a worldview, and certain values, and our place within Anglo America and the Anglosphere—we’re unique in our particulars and our circumstance. It’s who we are.
P-Doug has related to me in the past that one of the things Canada had a penchant for in the early days of the Second World War was to take the planes the US landed at the border during the Lend Lease days, drag them across so the US wouldn’t be in technical violation of its neutrality, and then immediately replace the American engines with British ones, which leaked oil like sieves but ran better. Not to trivialize matters, but I’ve long seen that as an apt metaphor for English Canada: a yankee plane with a limey engine. It makes me smile, anyway.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Of oaths and anthems
Long story here. Just a little rambling, kind of stream of
consciousness. If it’s not your cuppa, I’ll understand. :)
The Globe and Mail ran an article the other day on how irreligiosityis growing fast in the world, and may account for a third of humanity at this
point. I sent this to a friend who is emerging from Catholicism to agnostic
atheism. Part of the story mentioned that Canada had been criticized for
publicly funding religious education in some provinces, including ours,
Ontario, and my friend took issue with this.
Ontario has a publicly-funded Catholic school system,
alongside the general public school system. So, I’m informed, do Alberta and
Saskatchewan. From what I understand,
this comes down to the arrangements a province has when it enters
Confederation. For example, the province I was born in and lived in for the
first half of my education, Nova Scotia, decided it couldn’t afford more than
one public school system when it established one, and so didn’t establish
denominational schools. And since that was the arrangement it had when it
joined Canada in 1867, that’s the system in place when I started school. My
parents are Catholic (lapsed), but as there was no separate school system in
Nova Scotia, I never attended Catholic school. By the time we moved to Ontario,
I was half way through my education, and there was no point hopping onto the
other system.
Ontario, being right next to Quebec, and having a large
Catholic population, established a general Protestant school system, and a
Catholic school system (so did Quebec; it was kind of a constitutional quid pro
quo deal). The Protestant school system eventually just evolved into the
non-denominational public school system. The Catholic system remains. My
friend, who came up in that system, doesn’t understand the fuss. He considers
it a dog-in-the-manger position to try to disestablish the Catholic school
system, rather than that other people might justly wonder why their taxes don’t
buy them a parallel educational system... why, constitutionally, some animals
are more equal than others. The Supreme Court has made similar noises, but
since these systems are constitutionally entrenched, and Constitution can’t
contradict, or overrule, the Constitution, the courts can’t overturn them.
I’m in favour of abolishing the separate school system. Some
people have suggested, instead, that we really should let people funnel their
taxes into their own religious schools. To me, this is the beginning of the
death of a common identity. We live in a multicultural nation now. It’s not
1867 anymore, it’s 2012. Setting up separate schools by religion wherever
numbers warrant it is a recipe for ethnic and religious auto-apartheid and
balkanization. Jews will congregate in one set of towns. Muslims in another.
Baptists here, Methodists there. Soon, there’ll be towns you can’t move to
because there won’t be schools for your kids. Eventually, that will come to
mean towns where “your kind” simply aren’t really welcome to settle. Kids will
grow up never having to deal with anyone who doesn’t look, act, sound, and
think just like them, and the bigger world of Canadian life will come as a
shock them when they encounter it. No, that’s not the future I want for this
province or this country. Most Ontarians don’t: when John Tory floated the idea
during the 2007 provincial election, it was so badly received he had to back
off of it, and his otherwise promising start never recovered.
I think most Ontarians are ready to scrap the Catholic
school system. By means of one-off constitutional amendments, Newfoundland did
in 1997, and Quebec did in 1999.
All this got me thinking of religiosity in the schools in my
lifetime. As a kid in Nova Scotia, my schools weren’t officially religious.
Nevertheless, opening exercises included the Lord’s Prayer, and we had
Christmas pageants every year. I lived in the Halifax area, which by the 1970s
had a population around a quarter of a million, and so by the time I started
school, we had already entered a period in our history in which a fair number
of the kids I was spending my days with weren’t European and weren’t Christian.
In particular, Indians (from India, not Natives) had begun to join us, and Vietnamese
“boat people” were being settled across the country by the federal government.
Even then, every class had two or three kids whose culture was different from
what was being trotted out on those stages. No one forced them to participate,
but it seems to me they all did. I suppose their parents took it with a grain
of salt... it was a way for their kids to fit in, and to see their kids up on
stage, tripping over things and singing badly like the rest of us. Still, now,
it makes me uncomfortable to think of the presumptions we were making.
I’m not a parent, so I don’t know, but I’m persuaded we don’t
have Christmas pageants anymore. The constitutionality of enforced prayer in
Canadian public schools was tested after I graduated high school (it isn’t),
but it was de rigeur for me for 14 years. This caused me a unique problem later
in life, as it turns out. The public school system in Ontario evolved from the
Protestant school system, and so the version of the Lord’s Prayer I learned and
recited several thousand times was the Protestant version. The Catholic version
is identical in every respect except that it ends, “...but deliver us from
evil. Amen”. Nothing about kingdoms, power, or glory. So when I started
attending Mass in my 30s, I had to make a conscious effort every time we
recited the prayer to remember to stop. And frankly, I never liked it, because
sometimes I’d forget and be saying “for thine is the kingdom” when everyone
else was saying “Amen”, and because to me, the prayer ain’t over yet! We still
have the thineing and the powering and the glorying and the forever and evering
to do!
So to continue my ramble... I also thought about the other
aspects of opening exercises when I was a kid. O Canada became the official
national anthem in 1980, I believe. When it did, the words of the English
version were slightly and subtly changed (the French words, which came first,
are completely different and have nothing to do with the English ones; no one messed with them). The
version I sang for the first seven years of school had a lot more standing on
guard. Good Lord, did we do a lot of “standing on guard for thee” in the old
version. It must have made up about half the song. Some changes that made
subtle implications about the country were added. “And stand on guard, O
Canada, we stand on guard for thee” became “From far and wide, O Canada, we
stand on guard for thee”. Now, that might mean from across this very large
country, but “from far and wide” to me much more strongly evokes the influx of
immigration over the past few hundred years, and especially lately (which takes
some of the sting out of “our home and native land” earlier in the anthem for
newcomers). “O Canada, glorious and free” became “God keep our land glorious
and free”. Obviously I’m a little less unreservedly thumbs-up about that one, but I guess it’s
innocuous enough, and it takes one of the “O Canadas” (of which there are still
too many, as well) out of the anthem. Actually, no, it just transfers it to
kick another one of those “standing on guards” out of the song a bit later. I did
notice that when Burton Cummings sang the national anthem in the opening ceremonies
of the Grey Cup last month, he slipped up and sang the old lyrics at one point
(if I remember correctly, he sang “O Canada” instead of “God keep our land”).
The other one I thought of was a citizenship oath we recited
at a school I went to for two years. It’s never been official, and I’ve heard
slightly different versions of it over the years. Nevertheless, after 30 years,
I can still recite it instantly from memory:
I promise that I will be loyal to Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the Second, and to Canada; that I will honour the flag, observe the laws of my country, and fulfill my duties as a Canadian citizen; God being my helper.
I wonder if they’re still saying that in my old school. Heartwarming
as I tend to find such sentiments, I also wonder about the constitutionality of
an enforced oath, particularly on kids who might not happen to be Canadian
citizens.
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