Little star

I’m in a kind of strange place today. One of my cats, Twinkle, isn’t well. She really hasn’t been herself since last Tuesday. After a couple of bouts of nausea and vomiting, she concerned me enough that I took her into the vet on Friday, costing me both $280 and a day of vacation time.

I was told she wasn’t running a fever or dehydrated. They took blood to do tests. The best guess they had at the time was an intestinal inflammation. But aside from a couple of surprising bouts of activity, she’s been lethargic and disinterested in food pretty much since Thursday. She’s spent all her time since early Sunday morning lying by the front door. She doesn’t seem to be in pain, but naturally, I’m concerned. Even the other cats seem concerned.

The strange place in which I find myself is that Twinkle hasn’t been the kind of cat you’d really warm to. She’s not really cuddly, she’s balky about being picked up most of the time, she’s not above using her claws to register her displeasure, and for the first few months I had her she hated the other two cats, and peed on just about anything and everything. I mused several times about taking her back to the pound but I realized it was my idea to bring her home... it was for me to put up with it and ride it out. And I did, and she came around. She’s been fine with the other cats for the past year and the habit of peeing on things seems largely a thing of the past, knock on wood.

And yet...

I like having her around with her quirky little habits, but as I say she’s not the kind of cat I expected to really have feelings for. So I’m kind of surprised to find how strongly I’m reacting to her illness. To see the poor little thing just lying there, enduring whatever, really gets to me. I’m not sure what’s wrong and I can’t make it better for her. I’m kind of scared I might lose her, despite her being so young, and having only had her about a year and a half. She’s been out of sorts for most of a week now and I’m wondering if setting it right isn’t going to cause me to incur serious debt. I remind myself that that was a responsibility I chose. I volunteered to look after her; that was my idea. I can’t abandon her to illness because it’s inconvenient for me. I just want her back the way she was and I’ll do whatever I’m able to to make it happen.

I've realized that I do love her, after all.