Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Another spin on population control, maybe?

SHANGHAI – In a move that surprised absolutely no one today, a Chinese court sentenced a drunken nightclub reveler to death for singing “My Bonnie” slightly off-key during a his turn in a karaoke session. Death sentences were also handed out to a man who picked his ear with his keys, a boy who fell down and cried, a woman wearing mismatching dress and shoes, and an entire village near the Russian border for having too many fat chicks, in defiance of The Great People’s No-Fat-Chicks Correctness Principle. The presiding judge then sentenced himself to death for sentencing so many people to death.

An observer to the proceedings wondered why so many of his countrymen were being executed for such trivialities when Chairman Mao, who was responsible for the lingering and needless deaths of millions upon millions of his own people as a result of his ill-advised, megalomaniacal, shit-headed conceits, lived to a ripe old age and is still regarded as a hero of China instead of an inhuman monster.

He was sentenced to death.

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