Friday, April 30, 2010

Am I Blue (...why?)

It's strange. I'm now working up in the sky in a building almost in the heart of the biggest city in my country… okay, it's not Queen and Bay but it's only a few miles from there. I'm earning more than I ever have, and my commute is down to a single subway ride. But as I stand here in the light of the early dawn looking down on busy intersections where six-laned thoroughfares meet, I find myself pining for days when I was down there walking streets like that in my mid-20s, making so little I had to linger on for years living with my folks. But there was something about those days. They were fresh and new, full of promise, hope, adventure. I felt free. Now I'm in my early 40s and it's all about just holding on, and somehow it's making me a little blue. The thing is, I wasn't happy back then, either, and no doubt would have given an eye tooth for what I have now. What is it about human beings? It's a rare thing indeed for any of us to be content.

1 comment:

jim said...

It's called midlife, my friend, the time when we all start questioning like this. It's bound to make us blue. I have found that my focus has shifted from adventurous achieving of that hope and promise to building meaningful relationships with others. The backdrop is still largely the same -- still slogging away in the software salt mines -- but it's less about shipping the release and more about the people I get to work with along the way.