Monday, July 19, 2010

Nite thot jots

I keep a little notepad inside the drawer of my night table to record ideas I come up with in dreams, or while falling asleep or while waking up. It's to record ideas that strike me as profound (rare), potentially useful in writing (occasional), or simply so asinine they're funny (frequent). Time to air out the "night thoughts" from approximately the last two years... :)
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  • When a man reaches my age, he leaves behind everything but reason and contempt.
  • the plaintiff wail of the anal harmonica
  • "Lumps of Beer" (pub)
  • For some reason I can't explain
    I'm up in orbit abusing Tang
  • I don't know the speed of my own skate key
    Skate Keys for Barefoot Animals
  • Book review by John Lennon: "Don't quote me on that; I'm dead."
  • We believe what we know.
  • "Who in their right mind would fuck a band called 'Get Chuck'?"
  • Fixer Menbinder Jones
  • Throw your farts!
  • I turned, by necessity, from murderer to snake princess.
  • Pull-chain to the stars
  • Buntman, armed with a vast array of appliances and useful kitchen utensil! Garnishing his efforts like a sprig of parsley is Borin', whose crime-fighting powers consist entirely of stating the obvious.
  • Roger Omlette, ace mess pilot and devil-may-care frying fool, who, when he takes a crouton energy pill, giving him the elan of 20 Frenchmen for a period of 20 seconds, defeats his foes by compelling them to puke.
  • Informational Madness
  • Beyond the Machine
  • With pockets full of Cream of Wheat, I would surely never know hunger... and yet, I was naked.
  • A calm without much natural parallel. It must have been profound.
  • I SMOKE WOOD
  • NIGHTMARE EMERGENCY SHAVER KIT: If you wake up and your mustache is gone, you'll know it was real
  • About six billion people took a dump today... where did it all go?
  • Living means never having to say you're dead.
  • Death means never having to say
  • Bogart Backwash
  • All the Groovy Ideas
  • Bob Dylan's "Why Don't the Beatles Just Fuck Off?"
  • The Real Ballbusters
  • The Wunderbar World of Hitler
  • Knock knock
    Who's there?
    Eddie Murphy.
    Eddie Murphy who?
    How soon they forget.
  • Bunnicula! Have YOU a carrot for him to suck??
  • It's as though someone constructed a box from all angles, and THEN looked inside...
  • Planet Mars Minus One
  • I swear he's been waiting years for science to come up with a skull-extraction procedure so that he'll never be at risk of smiling again
  • [to: Raindrops Keep Fallin' On My Head]
    Assholes keep jumpin' outta planes
    And next thing you know Iraq is goin' up in flames
    Who's to fuckin' blame?
    Lame!
  • Lead drops keep shootin' from my gun
    And splashin' a guy who weighs a half a metric ton
    Said my wife was "fun"
    Scum!
  • There aren't enough hours in the day for me to hate you.
  • I want a life bereft of assholes except my own.
  • Do all you right-wingers start the day with a heapin' helpin' of Batshit Crisp? What a waste of good milk and a bowl it is when you spend all day just puking it into each other's ears anyway. "More Batshit Crisp, honey?" "No, pass the Moron Flakes, or FOXNews might stop making sense to me." (The original name was FUCKSnooze, because aside from pounding down Big Macs, those are about the only activities its viewership can manage. They just changed the name because they didn't want to be caught telling even one truth by the FCC.)

2 comments:

Peter said...

They're all great but my fave is: About six billion people took a dump today... where did it all go?
I always appreciate toilet humour.

Lone Primate said...

I believe I was channelling George Carlin that night. :)