Well, if I couldn't technically say it before, I can today. I've been an entire year now without a drink. I guess I've demonstrated I can do it. Been around it, watched friends have a few, had a couple of cats pass away on me and I still didn't sink into it or take the edge off.
Except for five cans of beer I had a year ago today when a friend visited from New England, which I "built into" the project, I haven't been drinking socially since, as I recall, Dec. 18, 2010, or had liquor or beer at home since two years ago this month. But now that I've achieved this arbitrary goal, I'm not sure where I go. I didn't really have to face this while I was keeping an eye on the date.
I miss it. Not hugely, but I do miss it. Thing is, what I really miss is the feeling of being drunk. That kind of soft, mellow, relaxing sense of really sinking into the chair. There was something to be said for a Saturday afternoon with old movies and five or six Cuba Libres. I never really quite get to that sense of release anymore... that feeling you're just chewing soft bubblegum with your brain. And I do missing giving that to myself, or promising it to myself as something to look forward to.
But I sure don't miss the expense of it. I don't miss wondering if I'm really okay to drive. I don't miss the pigging out I tended to do and then feel bad about later, and things like that. Or how common it was getting in my life for a while a few years ago.
I didn't set out to become tea-totaling [edit: teetotaling?]. But given how easy it would be to just ease back into the comfortable old ways, I guess I've decided to just move forward with it. Save the money, save the worry. Reserve to myself the privilege of having a drink now and then when there's an occasion, rather than making occasions to drink, which is kind of what I was doing those six months or so I didn't have it around the house and only drank when I was out with folks. I've made my year. Now let's see about just treating it as the new normal.