Tuesday, September 14, 2004

More cancer.

Jody's dad, Jim, just came on ICQ and told me that his cancer is back. It's in the right lymph node. The lymph nodes are essentially highways through the body, just like the blood. It sounds pretty bad.

I don't know if I'm supposed to say anything here or not, but I don't think he's keeping it a secret or odds are he wouldn't have told me.

He sounds so calm about it. I get the impression that all the research he did when Jody was sick pretty much convinced him that he was going to lose his son, and now that his own chances aren't good. I don't know if he was being completely facetious, but he told me he thought his treatment options were narrowed down to "cremation or burial". I hope it's not that dire, but he seems to believe it is.

I don't know what to think. Why am I always selfish at moments like this? First thing that frosted my heart was "I could lose another friend"... isn't that great? The man tells me his cancer is back and my first instinct is to worry about feeling lonely. Do I deserve to have any friends at all with an attitude like that?


Anonymous said...

Lymphatic Cancer is pretty bad... If its back thats not a good sign :(
Focus on the now and dont worry about what will happen. Whatever will be, will be so you have to take in as much of the time you have as you can "just in case" but dont get down. For our sake and his, you have to make the most of you relationship now. If he's come to term with his condition, be a good friend and accept that, be there, be positive and you will be the best friend he could hope for I'm sure.

crankycoyote said...

Well, fuck. I can't think of anything else to say right now. Guess I'll give Jim a call or an email tomorrow.
Relapses are always bad. Jim's odds might be better than he's letting on, but for me, I'd reckon he knows what he's about.
Everybody has selfish thoughts when this stuff happens, when you hear the bad news. Take it from an expert. Acknowledge the thought for what it is, realize that you're human too, and get back to the business at hand - caring for your friend. Time and what is shared are what matter now.