Tuesday, October 12, 2004

Cooling down

I guess it's official now. I got out of the car at work a few moments ago and I could see my breath. That's not just autumn to me, that's the first hint of winter licking at your nipple.

There's no one else in the office yet. My room, anyway. It's kind of strange. I got thinking about what it'll be like in a couple of months with the snow outside, and the coldness pervasive in the air no matter how warm they make it. I thought about sitting here alone and quiet around Christmas time and it occurred to me that I won't have Jody on ICQ there to keep me company... to just short of show up, and talk, and remind me someone cares in the world. That's melodramatic, I know, but this is how the feeling is shaped... what can I do about it? This will be the first Christmas without Jody... without Ruby... in ten years, for me. A quarter century for others.

What if the dead could visit? Wouldn't that really make the holidays something to look forward to? Well, unless they're someone you felt you were well rid of, I suppose. That's a different story; it's certainly not the case here, though. I mean, I never actually spent a Christmas with Jody. That's obvious; we were never in the same place, except on the Internet (it's funny how that seems to count and not to count all at once... I guess I'll just have to accept it really is just one more, new means of human presence and stop feeling I have to explain it away). So suppose Jody could come back between, say, Christmas and New Year's. He'd want to be with his family, but maybe he'd find some time for me at the end of December. Wouldn't that be something, if we could finally meet up, that way? Mind you, deep down, I still hope to meet him someday. I don't know if I really believe I will, but I sure hope I will.

So now the weather gets cold, one more time, and I'm one more year closer to that. And on and on she goes.

No comments: